for weeks i have been trying to think of what i was going to write on my blog for gabe's birthday. i wanted to make it something special... something that would honor gabe and show how amazing he is. but i have nothing. i'm not good with words like patrice is. i can't describe my feelings in writing, or at least not the ones i have right now.
all i can really say is that i miss gabe. i miss him like crazy. every day i think about him and long for the day i get to see him again and tell him i love him. i want to tell him how much he means to me and make up for all the hugs we missed out on. that day will come eventually. i just have to be patient. for now i will just hold on to the happy memories i have and try to forget the sad ones.
i wanted to make a post way better than this one but i know that gabe doesn't care. he knows how much i love him and that's all that matters. it doesn't have to be written down to be true.
happy first birthday gabe. i love you.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
8th grade sucks - volume 8
shortly after jonah was born sarah bought all the girls in our family necklaces from a foundation that makes jewelry and gives ALL of the proceeds to EB research. pretty cool, huh? well, i always always wear mine except for when i take a shower. it makes me feel closer to jonah when i can't be with him.
today in math class a boy that sits at my table told me i should get a new necklace, i guess because he's noticed i wear the same one all the time. i said no, that is was special and it meant a lot to me. then he told me i should get one that was cooler in a disgusted tone that basically meant that my EB necklace was ugly (which it's totally not!). then i told him to shut up ( i don't play when it comes to EB... or jonah... or what i'm wearing). another girl stuck up for me and told him to leave me alone because she actually knew what the necklace was. then he got really mad and said he was tired of females telling him to shut up.
i didn't say anything because i was mad and sad and figured that whatever would come out of my mouth i would later regret saying. if i HAD of said something though, it would gone a little bit like this. I'M tired of insensible, immature jerks like you who don't give a crap about anyone's feelings. then i would have told him to grow up. (and yes, that was actually the nice version of what went through my head).
i could of also gone through the list of other things i'm tired of.
today in math class a boy that sits at my table told me i should get a new necklace, i guess because he's noticed i wear the same one all the time. i said no, that is was special and it meant a lot to me. then he told me i should get one that was cooler in a disgusted tone that basically meant that my EB necklace was ugly (which it's totally not!). then i told him to shut up ( i don't play when it comes to EB... or jonah... or what i'm wearing). another girl stuck up for me and told him to leave me alone because she actually knew what the necklace was. then he got really mad and said he was tired of females telling him to shut up.
i didn't say anything because i was mad and sad and figured that whatever would come out of my mouth i would later regret saying. if i HAD of said something though, it would gone a little bit like this. I'M tired of insensible, immature jerks like you who don't give a crap about anyone's feelings. then i would have told him to grow up. (and yes, that was actually the nice version of what went through my head).
i could of also gone through the list of other things i'm tired of.
- sadness
- death
- pain
- crying
- sadness
- hospitals
- blisters
- aquaphor
- sadness
- bandages
- EB
- people not understanding
- and sadness (did i already mention that one?)
it could keep going but its about time for me to go to bed. and the point of this post is not to name all the things i'm tired of.
i admit, maybe saying shut up wasn't the best way to handle things, but he shouldn't have said what he said either. i guess there is a lot of things we all do that we shouldn't. i have forgiven him. why should i waste my time worrying about what he thinks? him saying that has not affected me in anyway except for making me angry (for that moment) and making me want to show my necklace off even more. i will keep wearing it and i'll keep being proud of it and i'll keep being proud of jonah.
my positive of the day: that same boy got in trouble today for wearing an inappropriate shirt and was embarrassed in front of the whole class about it. so HA!
ok ok, maybe i'm still a little mad... or maybe i'm just glad he got in trouble. either way...
Sunday, April 12, 2009
jonah's first easter
happy easter jonut!
unfortunately jonah is spending his first easter in the hospital. before this happened me and mom had plans of taking eggs to patrice and matt's house and dying easter eggs with jonah and wearing bunny ears and taking pictures and having a fun time celebrating jonah's first easter. its hard to not get sad when you think about it, but i am trying so hard to be positive. jonah could be doing much much worse than he is right now and i am so thankful that he's doing so well. in a way i am glad he's in the hospital where he is safer and in the hands of doctors. and honestly, i wasn't surprised when i found out he was in the hospital. i had been preparing myself for it just in case. i guess its a good thing i did. and now i am preparing myself for lots of (gentle) hugs and (gentle) kisses when he comes home again. pray that this will be soon and that he keeps improving. i am eager to find out what's going on in his little body. hopefully it is nothing too serious. whatever it is, God will give jonah the strength to get through it.
unfortunately jonah is spending his first easter in the hospital. before this happened me and mom had plans of taking eggs to patrice and matt's house and dying easter eggs with jonah and wearing bunny ears and taking pictures and having a fun time celebrating jonah's first easter. its hard to not get sad when you think about it, but i am trying so hard to be positive. jonah could be doing much much worse than he is right now and i am so thankful that he's doing so well. in a way i am glad he's in the hospital where he is safer and in the hands of doctors. and honestly, i wasn't surprised when i found out he was in the hospital. i had been preparing myself for it just in case. i guess its a good thing i did. and now i am preparing myself for lots of (gentle) hugs and (gentle) kisses when he comes home again. pray that this will be soon and that he keeps improving. i am eager to find out what's going on in his little body. hopefully it is nothing too serious. whatever it is, God will give jonah the strength to get through it.
oh, and i WAS going to post a really scary picture that i took yesterday of Patrice attacking a chocolate bunny but i decided not to do that. i figure she sorta has a lot going on and that i should be nice. you can thank jonah for that trice. ;)
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