photography blog

check it out!

http://shainarachellephotography.blogspot.com/

random

school has gotten a lot better since the last time i posted. i mean, i still don't think high school is all it's cracked up to be but it's still better than middle school so i'm happy. i've finally made some new friends (well, aquaintences) so that makes my days go by much faster which i am very thankful for.

i was sick today so i didn't go to school which means i'm going to have lots of make up work when i go back. yay! i'm just hoping i get better soon. i started feeling bad yesterday and janel texted me and said she had the flu... so now i'm kind of worried. pray it's not the flu.

church is still pretty good. i actually look forward to going and it makes me so happy. :) right now we are going through a series called 40 days of prayer. basically, for the next 7 weeks we are focusing on praying and strengthening our relationship with God. it's really cool. Valarie, the lady that is teaching the girls in the youth group, has encouraged us to do a media fast for these 40 days. i was all about it when she first suggested it but it's a lot harder than you would think. i did well for the first couple days and then it went down hill from there. i think we've been doing it for about 2 weeks now (although it seems like 2 months). i just got on facebook for the first time yesterday. i'm going to start getting back on but only one day a week. i've done well with not watching tv. i think i've only watched it once and that's because i was at someone elses house and i wasn't going to tell them to turn their tv off. anyhow, maybe i have failed in other peoples' minds but in my opinion i have done well. any amount of time of fasting is a success. i wish i could do better but i'm not beating myself up about it. i don't think the point is to make yourself feel bad.

well, i guess that's about it. sorry for the randomness. i always forget to post and when i remember i have nothing interesting to talk about.

oh yeah, i'm working on making a photography blog too so that's kind of exciting... for me at least. i probably won't have anything up till this weekend. caroline is coming over and i think we are going to have a photo shoot! yay for friends that let you take pictures of them!

9th grade sucks - part 1 :)

i have returned! i am really disappointed in myself for not posting in the last few months but oh well, no time to dwell on it. i should totally be in bed right now. the only reason i am up writing is because i just started high school yesterday and so i have lots of new and interesting stories to tell and my head won't shut up about them.

so, high school. what can i say? it really isn't that great. i mean, not bad, but not that great either. boring would probably be the best word to describe it. or interesting. or both.

yesterday i woke up already dreading the day ahead. i got ready, and headed to the bus stop where there were 2 girls. in my mind i was thinking, thank goodness, i won't have to get on alone. and then they started holding hands.... and not the way i hold hands with my friends when they're going through a hard time or something. oh no. this was like WEIRD holding hands, if you get my drift. awkward...
i asked emily to keep texting me until she got to school so i had something to do besides watch them hold hands. and she did. bless her. i've never been so happy to stare at a phone before.

i made it through the bus ride. luckily i got to sit beside a guy who didn't talk so that was cool.

i managed to make it through 3 classes without getting lost and then it happened. i couldn't find trailer 27. (keep in mind we have like 11 buildings and 4 trailers at east. no joke) i almost had a heart attack but i collected my thoughts and just made myself ask i random person walking by. and guess what? he didn't act like i was stupid or anything. he was actually extremely nice about it. he even walked me to the building!

later on i ran into someone, a giant someone of course, and he didn't kill me. he just kept on walkin'. and i was perfectly ok with that.

nothing too exciting happened the rest of the day.

today was also interesting. Gabe, a 4th grader who lives in our neighborhood, was sitting at my bus stop so i decided to sit with him instead of the girl that had been there the day before. it was much less awkward. then the bus came and i ended up sitting with the same guy as yesterday because of course there are never any seats available, except beside him. then i started wondering WHY the only seats available are beside him and got a little scared...

the rest of the day was extremely boring. i have english for 2 hours. it's terrible. longest 2 hours of my life. what really sucks is i don't have any friends in that class to make it any less boring either. during that time i got called to the office and got lost and had to walk all the way back across campus. i didn't care though. it was taking up time that i could be in english so i was happy. :) when i made it to the office they told me they were switching me to a less crowded bus which was really relieving. now i never have to know why there are available seats next to that guy.

the new bus was wayy better, except for the guy that cussed out the bus driver first thing, but whatever. you learn to ignore those things, and apparently so did the bus driver because he didn't say a word. there were only about 15 people so we pretty much all got a seat to ourselves. it was fantastic. oh yeah, while i was waiting for the bus to leave school i got to see a make-out session. it was pretty freaking gross. really people, keep your tongues to yourselves. nobody wants to see that mess.

sorry if that was really boring. i'm not in the best writing mood but i'm hoping my mind will be quiet and let me rest now.

ugh, i forgot i had to write a positive. why did i even make that rule???
alright, here it is : i have lunch with emily and janel and it is wonderful! definitely my favorite part of the day.

money for debra

i just read katie's comment on the last post and realized i never told how much money i raised! i thought it would be more than this but i think it was $47 (or somewhere around there). i definitely raised the most though. the person that raised the most after me raised $22. anyhow, i was happy... even if it's not a whole lot of money.

also, i haven't been updating much lately because our computer is kind of freaking out these days. it freezes every time i try to post pictures or sometimes it just does it randomly. i'm gonna try and defrag it though (amy's suggestion) and see if that helps. i just really hate doing post without pictures, but i'll try and get some up soon.

best day

yesterday was pretty much the best day of school this year. for once i ended the day with a smile instead of a headache. *gasp*

we are having EOGs this week which is making the week better. it means that we spend half the day doing test (which personally i think is better than learning) , go to lunch, and then pretty much goof off the rest of the day. for the first 2 days we also got to stay with homeroom all day which is where lots of my friends are so that was pretty cool.

to explain why my day was so good though i'll have to back up to a few weeks ago. in language arts we had a huge research project on world problems. we could pick whatever topic we wanted as long as we could make it into a thesis. i really wanted to do something that actually affected me in some way so of course the first thing i thought of was jonah and EB. the hard part was turning it into a thesis but i thought of a pretty good one; Most people are unaware of Epidermolysis Bullosa and because of that funding isn't going towards research and that is why there is no cure. i thought it was pretty good because it's true. so true. after doing research and writing my essay i had to make a powerpoint and make a 2-3 minute speech to my class. i would say it went pretty well. i've found that its much easier to make a speech when you actually know what the heck you're talking about. apparently the class thought it was pretty good too because last week they voted for me and 3 others in my class to present it in front of the whole team (that's about 100 kids!). i was scared out of my mind but i wanted to do it. especially when ms. long said that at the end each kid got a "charity buck" and got to choose which charity they wanted to give it to. then the teachers were going to tally up the charity bucks for each charity and donate the real amount of money to each one. i knew i had to do it, for jonah and weston and all the other EB kids.

ok, back to now. well, yesterday. whatever. after lunch we went straight to the media center to listen to everyone's presentations. there were 10 kids in all making presentations (a few from each LA class). i was so nervous but once i got up there it was fine. at first i was stuttering around and a little shaky but i relaxed and it went smoothly. i basically just explained everything on my powerpoint, showed off pictures of jonah and weston, and then told them about my charity (debra). after everyone presented it was time to drop off the charity bucks into whatever shoebox they wanted and head out.

here's the cool part. i needed a bigger shoebox to fit all the charity bucks people were stuffing in there! seriously, my teacher said kids were having trouble fitting them all in there. how cool is that!? i can't wait to find out how much money was raised for debra!

oh yeah, another awesome thing is that after my presentation one of the teachers from my school, ms. tincher, called me over in private. it kinda scared me cause i never talk to her so i wasn't really sure what was going on, but of course it was nothing bad. quite the opposite actually. she handed me a $100 check to give patrice and matt for jonah's medical expenses! "give this to your sister to use for jonah's medical supplies. it's not much but...." um what!? not much? silly silly lady. it was plenty and such a wonderful thing for her to do! i was really amazed and so appreciative. God really shines through some people. after presentations it was time to go home and i had a smile on my face the whole way there.

so there you have it, the best day ever.

gabe's first birthday

for weeks i have been trying to think of what i was going to write on my blog for gabe's birthday. i wanted to make it something special... something that would honor gabe and show how amazing he is. but i have nothing. i'm not good with words like patrice is. i can't describe my feelings in writing, or at least not the ones i have right now.

all i can really say is that i miss gabe. i miss him like crazy. every day i think about him and long for the day i get to see him again and tell him i love him. i want to tell him how much he means to me and make up for all the hugs we missed out on. that day will come eventually. i just have to be patient. for now i will just hold on to the happy memories i have and try to forget the sad ones.

i wanted to make a post way better than this one but i know that gabe doesn't care. he knows how much i love him and that's all that matters. it doesn't have to be written down to be true.

happy first birthday gabe. i love you.

8th grade sucks - volume 8

shortly after jonah was born sarah bought all the girls in our family necklaces from a foundation that makes jewelry and gives ALL of the proceeds to EB research. pretty cool, huh? well, i always always wear mine except for when i take a shower. it makes me feel closer to jonah when i can't be with him.

today in math class a boy that sits at my table told me i should get a new necklace, i guess because he's noticed i wear the same one all the time. i said no, that is was special and it meant a lot to me. then he told me i should get one that was cooler in a disgusted tone that basically meant that my EB necklace was ugly (which it's totally not!). then i told him to shut up ( i don't play when it comes to EB... or jonah... or what i'm wearing). another girl stuck up for me and told him to leave me alone because she actually knew what the necklace was. then he got really mad and said he was tired of females telling him to shut up.

i didn't say anything because i was mad and sad and figured that whatever would come out of my mouth i would later regret saying. if i HAD of said something though, it would gone a little bit like this. I'M tired of insensible, immature jerks like you who don't give a crap about anyone's feelings. then i would have told him to grow up. (and yes, that was actually the nice version of what went through my head).


i could of also gone through the list of other things i'm tired of.

• sadness


• death


• pain


• crying


• sadness


• hospitals


• blisters


• aquaphor


• sadness


• bandages


• EB


• people not understanding


• and sadness (did i already mention that one?)

it could keep going but its about time for me to go to bed. and the point of this post is not to name all the things i'm tired of.

i admit, maybe saying shut up wasn't the best way to handle things, but he shouldn't have said what he said either. i guess there is a lot of things we all do that we shouldn't. i have forgiven him. why should i waste my time worrying about what he thinks? him saying that has not affected me in anyway except for making me angry (for that moment) and making me want to show my necklace off even more. i will keep wearing it and i'll keep being proud of it and i'll keep being proud of jonah.

my positive of the day: that same boy got in trouble today for wearing an inappropriate shirt and was embarrassed in front of the whole class about it. so HA!
ok ok, maybe i'm still a little mad... or maybe i'm just glad he got in trouble. either way...

jonah's first easter

happy easter jonut!

unfortunately jonah is spending his first easter in the hospital. before this happened me and mom had plans of taking eggs to patrice and matt's house and dying easter eggs with jonah and wearing bunny ears and taking pictures and having a fun time celebrating jonah's first easter. its hard to not get sad when you think about it, but i am trying so hard to be positive. jonah could be doing much much worse than he is right now and i am so thankful that he's doing so well. in a way i am glad he's in the hospital where he is safer and in the hands of doctors. and honestly, i wasn't surprised when i found out he was in the hospital. i had been preparing myself for it just in case. i guess its a good thing i did. and now i am preparing myself for lots of (gentle) hugs and (gentle) kisses when he comes home again. pray that this will be soon and that he keeps improving. i am eager to find out what's going on in his little body. hopefully it is nothing too serious. whatever it is, God will give jonah the strength to get through it.

oh, and i WAS going to post a really scary picture that i took yesterday of Patrice attacking a chocolate bunny but i decided not to do that. i figure she sorta has a lot going on and that i should be nice. you can thank jonah for that trice. ;)

back from DC

i am back from Washington DC. actually, i have been back for 3 days, i just haven't had time to post yet. i've been too busy posting my tons of pictures on facebook. it took part of saturday night and all of yesterday but i'm done!

DC was awesome!!! we arrived there at about 10:30 on tuesday night and got our room assignments. i was with emily, cathy and angela which rocked! i was SO scared i was going to be with someone annoying or mean or someone who might steal my stuff, but not at all.

the rest of the week was pretty much all the same. wake up, eat breakfast, load bus, drive to DC (we weren't actually staying in DC), go to lots of museums and memorials, walk, eat lunch, walk, go to more museums and memorials, eat dinner, walk, go to MORE museums and memorials, load bus, ride to hotel, take shower, and crash. it was very busy but totally worth it.

i don't remember half the places we went or in what order we went to them so i'll just say what i remember. my favorite things we went to were the Arlington cemetery, the holocaust museum, and the world war II memorial. they were all amazing. the Arlington cemetery and holocaust museum were both so cool but in a sad, depressing sort of way.

the Arlington cemetery is just thousands and thousands of graves of former soldiers stretching on and on and on. i was really looking forward to seeing the tomb of the unknown soldier and the changing of the guard but after we walked all the way there they made us turn around. for some reason we couldn't go at the time and we couldn't come back because we had other memorials to see. it was disappointing but at least it gave us more time to look at other graves and things.

the holocaust museum was.... wow. there aren't even really words to explain it. unfortunately we were in a rush when we went and didn't get to read a lot of the things there but we still got the same effect. what was most amazing to me is that there were actually possessions of the holocaust victims in the museum, like shoes. there were so many shoes. there were also hair brushes and tools and clothes and all sorts of other things. another interesting/sad/cool thing there was a model of the process of getting gassed. it was hard to see but it really made you understand more. the whole museum did that.

other things we saw were the Vietnam veterans memorial, the Korean war memorial, the Jefferson and Lincoln memorials, iwo jima, the capitol building, like 5 museums, and a quick walk past the white house. we also saw Obama's car go by which was really cool!

here are some pictures of all those things.

capitol building....

Korean war memorial...

lincoln memorial...

Vietnam veterans memorial...

jefferson memorial...

white house...

world war II memorial...

arlington cemetery...

iwo jima... (this is probably my favorite picture of the week)

pretty cool places, huh? here are some pretty cool people too...

i'm so glad i got to hang out in Washington DC for 3 whole days with these awesome people. it was wonderful. :)

almost time for DC

today the 8th grade is going on a field trip to Washington DC!!! i am so excited but really dreading being away from jonah and everyone else. we aren't coming back until friday night. last night i told jonah he had to be really good while i was gone so i didn't have to worry about him. lets hope he listened. its gonna kill me to not know what's going on throughout the day. i will call mom to get an update at night when we are in our hotel rooms. that is the only time we are allowed to use our cell phones. i am also going to be worrying about baby stellan while i'm gone. he is having a very rough time so please pray for him. mycharmingkids.net.
i gotta admit.... i'm going to miss the computer while i'm gone. but i'm pretty sure i'll be having too much fun to really care. we are going to see tons of memorials and some museums and things like that. we are also going to have a dance on a ship tomorrow which will be really cool. please pray for our safety to and from DC. its a 5 hour bus ride. kinda dreading that part but i am hoping to sleep the whole time, if my brace allows it.
well...that's pretty much all for now! i just have to get through the school day and then its off to Washington DC!

this is the song i made up when i was little when peyton and amy lived in DC,

on the road again, til we come
to DC Washington.
we will have lots of fun!
when we come to Washintonnnnnn.

(you can't really gut the full effects by just reading it but whatever. just imagine me being little and cute and singing it with much enthusiasm). :)

a not so crappy day

for once i am going to write about school...but not in an 8th grade sucks post! hooray! i never thought the day would come. but here it is!

all this week we have been having end of quarter test which i actually kind of like because that means we don't have so sit through most of our boring classes and we don't have homework! Monday and Tuesday (we had a field trip Wednesday) we just took our test and then went to 2 of our core classes and did regular work but today we just goofed off the whole day. it was awesome! i stayed with my home base all day and pretty much did nothing. we took our integrated math test which was very hard (now this was a bit crappy) and then played games, watched tom and huck, played more games, and went outside. it was really fun! then we had lunch and went to our encores and pretty much did nothing there too. i had gym but we didn't have to dress out and we went outside. as long as we were being active we could do whatever we wanted so i just walked the track and talked to friends most of the time. i would have been playing soccer but we only had one ball and all the really good people were playing with it and i didn't want to play with them. i would just make myself look like an idiot. so anyhow, gym was kind of boring but i would rather it be boring then be inside playing stupid games that make you collide with stupid boys. refer back to 8th grade sucks-volume 1. jeez...i am STILL embarrassed about that. moving on...
in art we are working on self portraits so our teacher just showed us ways that we could paint them and that was all. then we went home! :) hooray!

i was VERY thankful for a good day. i really needed one. i was very worried about jonah yesterday (it was just one of those days...) and i was afraid today was going to be the same way. thankfully it wasn't though. of course i am always thinking about him and worrying about him to some extent but that is reasonable i think. i am just so stinking proud of him. he's so tough. i am ALWAYS bragging about him. i'm sure it annoys some people but i don't care. they can deal with it. :) i haven't heard any news on how jonah is doing today but i am hoping that God blessed us both with a good day. keep praying.

the power of prayer

i'm sure everyone has already seen the post on patrice's blog about jonah's perfect day but i just wanted to do one too and say how perfect it was for me too. there are no words to express how wonderful it feels to look at your sweet little nephew and know that prayers are being sent out for him all around the world and even more wonderful to know that God is actually answering them. there aren't enough thank yous in the world to show how thankful i am for everyone's prayers. i think yesterday gave so much hope to all of us that jonah may be okay. i have tried to keep an open mind throughout all of this and tell myself that he WILL be okay and that he is going to live for a very very long time just to keep myself from going crazy but it really helps to actually SEE that. i hope every day is as good as yesterday but if not, at least we know for sure that one day jonah was pain free and happy. every day like that is such a huge blessing for us and jonah. it was so much easier going to school today knowing that days like yesterday are possible. please pray for more days like yesterday (i know, i didn't even have to say that).

this morning i printed out a couple pictures of jonah and took them to school to brag about jonah and how i got to hold him. i showed them to one of the ladies that helps out in my science class and explained to her jonah's situation.

"this is my nephew jonah. he has a skin disease called EB."

"oh. i've never heard of the before. is it rare?"

"yes, very rare".

"well i'll be praying for him. does your sister believe in the power of prayer?"

(i laugh to myself) "OH YEAH." then i tell her how there has been this huge prayer movement for jonah and how awesome it is.

"is there a cure?"

"no"

"well, God can do anything."

and that was the last thing she said. i'm glad too. it was a good thought to be left with.

in love

i have to admit. i'm totally in love with this little guy named jonah. he is SO cute. he didn't really know i existed before....

but now he does!

he'll always hold a special place in my heart. forever and ever. i love you jonah.

a very tacky aunt

i saw jonah yesterday and he looks so good! his face is looking awesome except for the blister left by the tape but still... he looks so much better then when i last saw him. it amazes me the differences that happen in between my visits. i see him about every 3 or 4 days, although it feels like 3 or 4 weeks to me. when i first came in he kind of opened his eyes. it made me happy because it was the first time i had seen them open at all. it was really just a flutter but i'm pretty sure he saw me which is good. i don't want him to wake up when he's 2 months old and not recognize his aunt....even though i'm pretty sure babies don't really recognize anyone at that age. but maybe. i don't really know. i got to see patrice hold him and saw him suck on his bottle for about 30 seconds. it was really cute.






please keep praying for matt while he's dealing with a virus. he is not getting to visit jonah and i know that has to be hard. so yeah... just pray that he gets better very very quickly and that he gets to see jonah soon.

on a totally different note, yesterday was tacky day at school, and i was actually brave enough to dress up for it! and i mean REALLY dress up for it. this is really big for me. i'm not really the out going type. it was kind of scary because when i first walked into school i didn't see ANYONE dressed up and all the horrors of "what if i got my days mixed up?!" went through my mind. but it was all good. it WAS tacky day, just not many people dressed up. this surprised me. i thought everyone would dress up for tacky day, but apparently middle schoolers have to look perfect and popular and can never have any fun. i didn't get the memo.

at least there were a few other girls that looked worse than i did. it made me feel a little less stupid....

my hair was my favorite part. i have the perfect tacky day hair.



i didn't want to scare jonah so i unbraided my hair, took off my ugly blue orchestra shirt, my plaid pants, and removed my different colored eye shadows. i thought this look was much more fitting for an aunt.


hope you enjoy this post being that it took me 2 days to get it up here.
so much to do, so little time.

an awesome hospital party

i was right, i AM exhausted. i don't even really feel like blogging right now but i'm trying to avoid homework and this is the best way to do it since it takes forever. plus...i have to tell about my birthday party.

well, first off i would just like to say that it was the coolest hospital birthday party ever! i seriously wanna have my birthday there next year too, but i DO NOT want anyone to be in the hospital. i just wanna go back for fun.

it was supposed to be a joint party for me and ainsley but her and asher and peyton were all sick so they didn't get to come. :( i am sooo tired of everyone being sick. julia was supposed to come over this weekend too but didn't because she got sick. but i'm getting off topic here....

the party was really fun! sarah decorated and amy made a cake and mom bought pizza and it was just awesome. some of our family and some of matt's family and some friends were all there. we just ate and talked and stuff but it was good. i got some very good presents too! i got a backpack camera case so now i can ride my bike and take my camera with me! i also got a jason mraz cd, a taylor swift karaoke cd, an itunes gift card, a shirt, and lots of money! it was very exciting.

here i am with winston-salem behind me...

jonah also had a good day yesterday which was fabulous. patrice and matt got to hold him! it was a very happy moment, as you can see by the pictures on patrice's blog. i can't wait til i see him again. i should really be thankful (which i am) but it is still aggravating to only be able to see him twice a week. i am lucky for that though.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AINSLEY (aka...cutest/silliest/prettiest/awesomest 2 year old ever)!!!

you make me smile :)

night night

you know what i hate? ...time change and stupid computers. i am going to be exhausted in the morning and our computer is being majorly slow so I'm just gonna post about my birthday-ness tomorrow. goodnight.

weeks and years

well, today was my first day of being 14. its pretty much the same as being 13...not that exciting. it mostly just makes me feel old, which im not really sure how i feel about. honestly, im really not concerned with how old i am right now. it makes me happy that jonah is 1 week old today more than it does that im 14 today. i am grateful for every hour, every day, and every week he is here with us. i just hope that one day jonah will be celebrating his 14th birthday too and that i will be right there celebrating it with him. it makes me very sad when i think about gabe not having that. he was supposed to have lots of birthdays and spend lots of birthdays with me. it always feels like there is someone missing and i guess it will be like that until i see him in heaven one day. i am glad he is in a happy place where there are no tears or sorrow, cause it really gets old after a while.

i got to see jonah today!!! i went during feeding time hoping to see him down 15 ccs or maybe see some open eyes but neither happened. he seemed VERY tired, but that's pretty understandable. he's been through a whole lot in this past week. even with closed eyes he is as cute as ever.

other than getting to see jonah, nothing too exciting really happened today. i went to school...if you consider that exciting. it was just a normal day except for i got sung to a lot which made my face turn red. i got cards from mom and dad and amy which were all filled with some much needed money (thanks guys!). julia was supposed to come over tonight and spend the night but today she called and said she had a runny nose and cough so i asked her not to come, that we should just hang out another weekend. i am trying desperately not to get sick. when you only get to see your nephew 2 times a week, you do whatever you can to fulfill the opportunity.

tomorrow we are having a little party at the hospital on the 12th floor to celebrate me and ainsley's birthdays. her 2nd birthday is on sunday! i cant believe she is getting that old. *sniff sniff* anyhow...i am excited about the party. the 12th floor is really cool. its on the very top of the hospital and its outside but there are glass walls surrounding it so you don't fall off you know. and there is also a playground which im sure asher and ainsley will enjoy, and maybe me too. :) sarah came up with the idea of having it up there since patrice and matt are sticking close to the hospital. plus, that way jonah can kind of be there. kind of.

okay, i should probably go to bed now being that its not really my birthday anymore. i should have never gotten a blog. it keeps me up too late at nights...

blessed

well, i made it through the school day. it wasn't as bad as i was afraid it was gonna be. pretty much the only people that know about jonah's condition are my friends on facebook because they have joined his prayer group and i got to talk to them while sitting in the waiting room after everything happened (thank you for wireless Internet). i talked to them about it today but not many other people. i am SO proud of him and want to brag about him but maybe just not now. i mean, i don't even know what to say to people when i tell them about his case of EB because we really don't know much about it yet. it makes it hard when you don't know what kind he has or anything. every time i explain what jonah has, people bombard me with questions that i cant answer. is he going to be okay? how's he doing? will he live? well, i don't know if he will be okay. what exactly does okay mean? i don't really know how he's doing either. he's a tiny little baby fighting for his life and in that way, he's not doing well at all. but on the other hand, he is a STRONG little butterfly baby doing a very GOOD job of fighting for his life....so, yes, he is doing well. and i have no clue if he will live. i wish i could say yes, but i cant. that's not my decision. that's God's. maybe that is what i should say to people. but knowing kids at school, that wont stop the questions. its so hard going from being surrounded by your family who are all Christians and KNOW that God is making the decisions to being surrounded by many non-Christians who don't even believe in God. i would try and explain to them how God is in control but that is such a hard thing to explain. i don't know why God does the things he does, or what he has planned next. trust me...I've tried to figure it out, but its not something you realize all of a sudden, and when saying that to someone who doesn't believe in God you're gonna get some very puzzled looks and more questions. one thing i DO know is that God will get me through this and provide the right words for me to say to other people, and for that i am thankful. one thing i have recently learned is that you have to give your worries to God and let him handle things. it's a lot harder than it sounds but I'm getting better at it. knowing that God has his arms wrapped around our little jonah is the only thing that gets me through the days at school...and everywhere else. everything will be fine. i just gotta keep telling myself that. on the post before this one someone gave me some very good advice; no one who hasn't dealt with EB before is never gonna understand. that's why you have to tell them about the person and their personality and get people to see past the bandages and blisters. i am determined to do that with jonah. i can already tell he is going to have a wonderful personality and he's already just so darn cute. i will make people see that, even people who don't understand. that same person who gave me that advice also told me about their son who is also in 8th grade AND has EB. like 8th grade isn't torture enough. i have so much respect for that boy. he has to deal with weird questions all the time and i know it has to be hard. it makes me realize how blessed i am. i have never really had to deal with anything like that. the closest thing is having this back brace and that can't even compare. my goal is to start focusing on the good things in my life and not so much the bad. i gotta count my blessings.

...blessing number 1 - jonah.

the most wonderful sight to see

guess who i got to see today?! JONAH!!! he is SO cute. there's not even words to describe it. the manager nurse person (I'm not really sure who it was) made an exception for me (bless her) and is letting me see Jonah 2 times a week now. i am so very happy. i didn't think i was gonna survive one more day without seeing him. i am going to use my second time on Friday so i can see him on my birthday. i finally got pictures of him! some of them are a bit blurry though because we had to keep the camera on no flash or there would be reflections off of his incubator. and i was so excited i was shaking. but in my opinion, any picture showing Jonah is a good picture. so i would say i got some good ones.

man, i could just stare at that little face forever. notice his exposed tummy! it was looking so good that the doctors decided to just leave it unwrapped. its the cutest tummy ever. i know i know....he's cute, we get it. but I'm his aunt. I'm supposed to go on and on about how cute he is. it's my job. I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job of it.

on a less happy note i have to go to school tomorrow. i am dreading it sooo badly. i just don't feel like having to explain to everyone what happened to Jonah. the explaining isn't even that bad, i just don't like the reactions. people my age just don't understand how serious this is. they try but they just don't. and it's okay i guess. it's definitely not their faults they don't understand. but it's just hard, you know. please just pray my day is good and goes by quickly so i get to be back at the hospital ASAP. and of course keep praying for Jonah's progress. i am gonna be missing him like crazy...

love you buddy!

jonah's first snow day

it's jonah's first snow day! this morning i looked out the window to see tons of snow. there is probably about 4 inches....just what they predicted. the weather man was actually right for once! i wouldn't be surprised if we have school off for like a week. the school system is probably freaking out. here are some pictures of my walk with chuck and leeann and the puppies. i don't have my camera which is sad but leeann let me use hers. it was so pretty!

a break

today i took a break away from the hospital. i felt useless just sitting in the waiting room doing nothing, not even being able to see Jonah. i just needed to be somewhere else for a while. i felt bad not being with the family but i think they all agreed a break would be good for me. so after visiting The Journey for church this morning i went to LeeAnn and Chuck's house to hang out and haven't left yet. it started snowing earlier today so i had to decide whether i wanted to come back to the hospital or just stay here. i decided to stay here. i think Jonah would understand. i miss him a lot but i would be missing him at the hospital too. i am just looking forward to seeing his sweet face again in real life. i have seen recent pictures but its just not the same. guess i just gotta be patient. what makes my heart break is that Jonah is in pain. so please pray that he feels better. i can deal with me being in pain more than someone else.
it is snowing like crazy here. I'm amazed. i didn't really believe the weather forecast when it said 4-6 inches of snow but i believe it now. i haven't seen it snow this hard in forever. its really pretty but VERY cold. school got canceled tomorrow and i am very happy about it. i wasn't planning on going anyhow but this way i wont be so behind when i go back. i really wish we would have tomorrow off too. i just don't feel like being at school right now. i really cant deal with stupid middle school drama.

Jonah Alexander

a ton has happened since i last posted. Jonah Alexander Williams was born yesterday with a skin disease called Epidermolysis Bullosa. i kind of know what it is but not enough to write on my blog. so my suggestion is to just go over to Patrice's blog and read about it there...

http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/

these last 2 days have been rough but things will be okay. i am trying to just hand my worries over to God and let Him take care of everything, as i know He will do. i just really hope His will is for sweet Jonah to be healed and live a full life with his mommy and daddy and family. for now we are just sitting and waiting. its aggravating not being able to do anything or know anything but we are all together which helps. for now i am not allowed to see Jonah because i am under the age of 16 (lame) but i think Patrice is working towards changing that. she asked the lady working at the NICU counter i if i could possibly come in and she said she would have to ask the manager. they better say yes. Jonah is going to be here for 2 months AT LEAST. i can't wait that long to see my nephew. i have only seen him once, very briefly, but it was wonderful. he is SO cute. i cant wait to spend some more time with him.

I'm pretty sure everyone who reads my blog is already praying for Jonah but please keep on doing it. its the only thing we can do to help him right now.

love you Jonah! keep on fighting.

waiting for squishy

right now i am sitting in the hospital listening to squishy's heart beat. i am getting very impatient. i want him to be here! soon enough though. we are actually having fun in the waiting room killing time. we have played spades and nertz and eaten and taken pictures and just talked lots. its nice that we can all be together for a happy event. thank you SO much to everyone who prayed and thought about Patrice and Matt and the baby. things are looking good. hopefully we don't have to wait too long and i will soon have pictures of the new arrival! check patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com for updates!

8th grade sucks - volume 7

this is what happens when you play indoor soccer without shin guards with a bunch of screaming girls who don't know how to kick a ball.



ow.

other than the ankle, gym class was actually fun! (nope...not kidding). we played indoor soccer which i was way excited about because we NEVER play soccer. i don't understand why but we don't. i love soccer. what's amazing is i actually made a goal all by myself! it was awesome. guess those couple years of playing soccer when i was little paid off. or maybe the other girls were just too busy kicking people to realize what was going on. could be....

perfect weather

the weather here was perfect yesterday. it wasn't too cold or too hot or anything. just perfect. isn't it weird how 3 days after it snows it's 70 degrees? the world is just all confused these days. but I'm okay with it. i wish it would stay warm forever. i spent all day outside yesterday with all the kids from the apartments. it was really fun. the boys skateboarded while the little kids ran around and screamed at bees and i took pictures. i loved it.











now i am just waiting for summer. i can't wait for the pool to open!

what's with all the white stuff?

Tuesday morning we got a 2 hour delay for some reason. supposedly the rodes were icy. then on Tuesday night it actually snowed! and I'm talking like REAL snow. it came down hard for around 30 minutes (maybe a little more)....



....and then it stopped. but it was at least enough to cover the ground. we didn't have any more during the night or anything but it kind of stuck and there was still some on the ground in the morning.



i wanted to play in it so Emily came over but by the time she got there is was pretty much gone. i was determined to make a snowman though. so, with a little snow and some left over Christmas candy...



ta da! i know...kind of pitiful. but hey, its still a snowman. a very very little snowman. but a snowman all the same.

thanks to Emily for freezing her butt off just to make me happy. :)

what happens when i'm bored

aren't they cool? i got these wooden letters and paint for Christmas in 2007 and just now got around to painting them. i am planning on hanging them up on my wall. they turned out really well.