weeks and years

well, today was my first day of being 14. its pretty much the same as being 13...not that exciting. it mostly just makes me feel old, which im not really sure how i feel about. honestly, im really not concerned with how old i am right now. it makes me happy that jonah is 1 week old today more than it does that im 14 today. i am grateful for every hour, every day, and every week he is here with us. i just hope that one day jonah will be celebrating his 14th birthday too and that i will be right there celebrating it with him. it makes me very sad when i think about gabe not having that. he was supposed to have lots of birthdays and spend lots of birthdays with me. it always feels like there is someone missing and i guess it will be like that until i see him in heaven one day. i am glad he is in a happy place where there are no tears or sorrow, cause it really gets old after a while.

i got to see jonah today!!! i went during feeding time hoping to see him down 15 ccs or maybe see some open eyes but neither happened. he seemed VERY tired, but that's pretty understandable. he's been through a whole lot in this past week. even with closed eyes he is as cute as ever.

other than getting to see jonah, nothing too exciting really happened today. i went to school...if you consider that exciting. it was just a normal day except for i got sung to a lot which made my face turn red. i got cards from mom and dad and amy which were all filled with some much needed money (thanks guys!). julia was supposed to come over tonight and spend the night but today she called and said she had a runny nose and cough so i asked her not to come, that we should just hang out another weekend. i am trying desperately not to get sick. when you only get to see your nephew 2 times a week, you do whatever you can to fulfill the opportunity.

tomorrow we are having a little party at the hospital on the 12th floor to celebrate me and ainsley's birthdays. her 2nd birthday is on sunday! i cant believe she is getting that old. *sniff sniff* anyhow...i am excited about the party. the 12th floor is really cool. its on the very top of the hospital and its outside but there are glass walls surrounding it so you don't fall off you know. and there is also a playground which im sure asher and ainsley will enjoy, and maybe me too. :) sarah came up with the idea of having it up there since patrice and matt are sticking close to the hospital. plus, that way jonah can kind of be there. kind of.

okay, i should probably go to bed now being that its not really my birthday anymore. i should have never gotten a blog. it keeps me up too late at nights...